Thursday, January 13, 2011

Loss of Inspiration

I've always thought of myself as a very inspired person. A person who can come up with ideas at any time and at any place. Since I am aspiring to become a filmmaker, I should in fact be such a person. However since we've been given the project to come up with an idea for a film, I've noticed that I am not that kind of person. Before I started school and before my friend left the country I made quite a few films with him. This made me believe that I was a creative person, since I was coming up with a lot of material, all the time. Out of the 16 films we made together, the initial idea for the video came only five times from me. These are only the films we actually made. We have so many unfinished scripts, ideas and bullet points in a folder somewhere, which are mostly my friends ideas. If I look at my desktop right now, I will see three started scripts waiting to be written. Koyasan (originally a novel), Portal (an idea by my friend) and Dream (my idea, and the least worked on so far.)

This of course makes me think if I'm in the right field of work. I've never been a person who had a lot of hobbies. I had swimming. That was it. I didn't really have a lot of time to do anything else either. Then when I stopped swimming, I didn't have any interests, no idea what to do with my future and no career. I had always enjoyed acting simply because I don't like who I am, so being allowed to act as another person was the dream. But it was a creative direction, with not a lot of promise of success. I think it was because I was focused on film, that I decided to be an editor, and work my way around that way.
Then I started editing. Too much technical stuff. Now I'm looking at screenplay writing and/or directing. Once again, I find myself in a creative field with not a huge success rate.

My view 70% of the day.

What I'm trying to do with this blog is to realize who I am myself by writing about issues I think about, my hopes, dreams and worries. I don't expect anyone to read this, or find it interesting at all, it's just something for me. Since I can never write a diary, I decided to write it on Blogger. I guess the idea that someone might be reading it will give me the push to actually keep up the posts.

1 comment:

  1. It always pains me to read these things. You do have the talent, both in terms of technique and creativity. Perhaps you aren't an inspired person in the sense of acquiring core ideas from the ether, but you most certainly are inspired.

    I believe what you need is someone to bounce ideas of. Me and my partner now during our school project have been doing that, and have in the end come up with a story and characters that I wouldn't be able to have refined by myself, even though I did come up with the core idea.

    Think about it: there are plenty, in fact, majority of movies that are written by one person, but directed by another. I see no reason for you not to be a director or editor in that case, since you will be doing more than just translating the words to film, but rather creating something more. You just need the spark that sets you in motion, and I like to think that I have been that spark for you :)

    Point is, you'll manage man. I know how existential and self critical you can be, but you really do have talent. Heck, if my teacher this week praised my crappy little drawings for the story board, I think you have a chance too ;)