Loss of Inspiration

I've always thought of myself as a very inspired person. A person who can come up with ideas at any time and at any place. Since I am aspiring to become a filmmaker, I should in fact be such a person. However since we've been given the project to come up with an idea for a film, I've noticed that I am not that kind of person. Before I started school and before my friend left the country I made quite a few films with him. This made me believe that I was a creative person, since I was coming up with a lot of material, all the time. Out of the 16 films we made together, the initial idea for the video came only five times from me. These are only the films we actually made. We have so many unfinished scripts, ideas and bullet points in a folder somewhere, which are mostly my friends ideas. If I look at my desktop right now, I will see three started scripts waiting to be written. Koyasan (originally a novel), Portal (an idea by my friend) and Dream (my idea, and the least worked on so far.)

This of course makes me think if I'm in the right field of work. I've never been a person who had a lot of hobbies. I had swimming. That was it. I didn't really have a lot of time to do anything else either. Then when I stopped swimming, I didn't have any interests, no idea what to do with my future and no career. I had always enjoyed acting simply because I don't like who I am, so being allowed to act as another person was the dream. But it was a creative direction, with not a lot of promise of success. I think it was because I was focused on film, that I decided to be an editor, and work my way around that way.
Then I started editing. Too much technical stuff. Now I'm looking at screenplay writing and/or directing. Once again, I find myself in a creative field with not a huge success rate.

My view 70% of the day.

What I'm trying to do with this blog is to realize who I am myself by writing about issues I think about, my hopes, dreams and worries. I don't expect anyone to read this, or find it interesting at all, it's just something for me. Since I can never write a diary, I decided to write it on Blogger. I guess the idea that someone might be reading it will give me the push to actually keep up the posts.